My public Facebook page received a hate message the other day that disturbed me.
I started to think about how to make myself feel better about the situation.
Then, while I was sitting in the waiting room of my hospital, a woman struck up a conversation with me.
She told me that she works for the United Nations in the department of counterterrorism.
She said her job requires her to determine how and why people get involved in acts of terror.
Turns out that people who become terrorists are extremely unhappy with their lives.
Which is pretty obvious.
Terrorists come from poverty, lack education and do not have strong social networks.
The way you and I view college as a place to create better opportunities and friends is the way others view terror groups as an opportunity for those things.
Of course, many people who arrive in terror camps (especially from the western world) usually realize it’s not as much fun as they anticipated.
The conversation that I had with this woman was fascinating.
I began to draw similarities between the motives and actions of terrorists with the motives and actions of bullies and internet trolls.
We discussed that a person who lives in a state of joy and happiness would not spend time trying to breakdown the life of another person.
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Whether the breakdown occurs by destroying a person physically or emotionally.
A person in joy would not spend time stalking another person, writing mean messages, or speaking negatively in the hopes of hurting another’s feelings.
It made me realize that there are lots of people who feel terror at the idea of receiving criticism and thus avoid sharing their creative ideas with the world.
I want to change that.
I want to teach you why criticism is really just an opportunity to resurrect and become a stronger person.
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Below are the meanest comments ever written to me:
Kerry M. — “You are transforming lives? Hahaha. How exactly?”
Annette H. — “WASTE of money!!!This book was TERRIBLE! It was 60-pages of stress management and relaxation techniques to minimize your pain.”
When I first started doing this work, a part of me was so scared of being criticized that I didn’t even want to begin.
I was badly bullied in school and I was afraid that all the mean people from my past would find me and be mean to me again.
What’s crazy about that is the fact that I graduated over a decade ago.
What’s even crazier is that my fear was realized when the woman Kerry made a criticism about me on my Facebook fan page.
That’s when I realized…. wow, this is dumb. The fear only has to do with how much I believe the criticism to be true.
I am the one who has to resolve my own negative thoughts of “you’re not good enough to do this” or “no one cares,” or “you’re doing this by yourself and won’t get far, so why bother?”
My negative self-talk is one of the big reasons why I decided to start blogging and sharing my stories.
I knew that the only way to overcome my fears was to confront them and open myself up for criticism.
If I lived my life without receiving comments that might hurt me I’d never grow, because growth comes from knowing your weakness and resolving it.
For this reason, criticism can actually be a good thing.
The person who wrote that mean comment about my book made absolutely no sense, because my book states on the back cover that it’s main purpose is to minimize the reader’s emotional pain around transfusions.
Sometimes people won’t like you and that’s okay. You’ll know that the darkness is coming directly from them and has absolutely nothing to do with you.
If we have emotional wounds that are deep and unconscious, we won’t know they exist until someone else pours their hateful lemon juice on them.
Each time someone pours hateful lemon juice on your emotional wounds know that it’s an opportunity to confront what’s going on inside you and become stronger in that area.
You cannot become stronger if you don’t look at the areas of your life where you believe that you failed or weren’t good enough.
Observe your feelings and thoughts about yourself when you read or hear hateful words that are directed at you.
Why do you feel or believe that your bully or troll is speaking words that ring true to you?
What painful memory or experience from your past lives within you that you needs to be resolved and healed?
Breathe into the space of your body that hurts the most when you hear someone else criticizing you.
Rub the area with your hand to smooth out the energy that might become trapped if left uncared for.
Remember, hateful people are not living in a happy/joyful place themselves and you have the ability to care for yourself and not fall to their level.
You will become more peaceful and joyful when you are finally able to care for yourself.
Doing so will give you the opportunity to finally let go of caring about what other people think.
Imagine becoming free of that burden.
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